I don’t know when exactly it all began.. 

but i have come to know that “this” is not me..

“this” is affecting all aspect of my life and it dragging me to ruins.. 

The step to seek help.. man it is so scary,, 

so I did what all people do when they feel something is wrong.. 

Googled it.. 

and the results ..

were..

well ..

disappointing ..

However, with plenty of research over the restless nights I have had and after some “incidents” that felt like the end of the world ..

I ran into a Tedx video, of a young boy, talking about his anxiety..

after all these research, I finally found someone who can roughly describe what I feel and have felt..

I know it now .. I know that I am not broken.. I just have anxiety .. no biggy right? 

no, 

anxiety got the best of me .. 

I know it but it knows me better..

The thing about anxiety is as if it eats you alive!

it feeds of each and every thought that goes into your mind.. giving it a twist and dark dark end.. if that not depressing enough.. 

so the call to go to a doctor, well .. it scared me to the bone .. the “what ifs” that went into minds I was freaking me out ..

I wanted to skip it, I really did, but I could not..

you see, I have had it, I went there, you know, to rock bottom and I have had to go up and I can only do so if I get help.. 

I will tell you this, I am not there yet, and I don’t think I am even close. But I started to view life the way I used too before, it took me to collect the gut to do so and I was glad I did,, 

the months I have had where everything had finally taste and was actually enjoyable and chilled, I forgot how fun it is to hang out with my friends, to get up in the morning with this sense of appreciation to have your cup of coffee.

My friend take that step because it is worth it. 

and remember it is “not here to stay!”